via twenty20/Dariakova. 1. “In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland. 2.
Your wedding will be one of the most memorable events you get to experience. From the start of your wedding planning to heading out for your honeymoon, there are so many memories you’re about to create. Some of those memories will also include the moment you say your vows or give your speeches. Whether you’re the bride or groom looking for a heartwarming vow, or the best man hoping to give a funny speech, we’ve got you covered.
Our collection of over 140 quotes and sayings will help inspire the best words for you to say. Our list includes funny, inspiring, religious and heartfelt quotes for any type of vows or speech. You’ll also find some of the best quotes and lyrics found in movies and music. Once you select the perfect message, write it down to keep in your wedding binder as a keepsake.
Love is inspiring, so why not say so? Tell your loved one how they inspire you with one of the beautiful quotes below.
Make the newlyweds and guests laugh with one of these crowd pleasers. From funny advice to a funny saying about what marriage entails, you’re sure to bring about some laughter.
Use one of the sayings below to express your happiness over the newlywed’s union and the faith they share.
Best collection of '+ Funny Marriage Advice & Quotes'. Find more at The Quotes Master, a place for inspiration and motivation.
If you've been asked to give a wedding toast, chances are you're taking your role seriously. Perhaps too seriously! Often, the best wedding toasts start with a joke, even if they wind up with a sincere wish for the couple's future happiness.
Weddings bring up complicated emotions. For the bride and groom, there's joy along with (in many cases) tremendous anxiety. Sometimes the anxiety is related to the very idea of a permanent commitment; other times it's related to aspects of the wedding itself. Will the caterer show up? Will my divorced parents get into a fight? Will Aunt Jane get drunk and fall into the wedding cake?
Similarly, complex emotions come up for parents who are both thrilled and saddened as their child steps into a new role and a new stage of life. Siblings may be delighted, jealous, or even angry about some aspect of the wedding. Best friends may feel left behind.
Humor is almost always the best way to break the ice, lower anxiety, and just have fun at a wedding. If you've been asked to give a wedding toast, chances are you have a close relationship with either the bride, the groom, or both. That means you know which kinds of humor are likely to get a big laugh, and which won't.
Not all of these famous quotes will be right for you, but you'll almost certainly find one or two that connect with your particular wedding party!
The secret of a happy "marriage remains a secret."
"Biochemically, love is just like eating large amounts of chocolate."
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."
"Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch."
"By all means, marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day."
"I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back."
Honore de Balzac
"The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it."
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery!"
"A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal."
"My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me."
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.”
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.'”
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.”
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.”
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.”
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”
“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.”
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.”
“Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.”
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.”
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.”
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.”
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”
“When you have a baby, love is automatic, when you get married, love is earned.”
“Marriage – a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose.”
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
“Marriage must incessantly contend with a monster that devours everything: familiarity.”
—Honore de Balzac
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.”
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.”
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.”
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.”
”Marriage is like a spicy shwarma for newlyweds, always crazy for the first bite. these funny wedding quotes for newlyweds are just super.
So corny, but sooo good.
I’m not sure if love is blind but it’s definitely hilarious at times. You just have to look at it from the right perspective, so using these funny quotes and puns about love when times get tough is a great way to lighten the mood.
When you enter into a committed relationship, you’re two (usually) imperfect human beings trying to understand yourselves, each other, and the world as best as you can. Not to mention you have the added pressure of understanding each other as parts of a whole.
That whole being a union of any sort. A union you also have to keep alive through time, effort, love, and consistency among other things.
Mistakes are bound to happen between two honest people who love each other and are making an effort to sustain the bond. Due to that inevitable reality, it’s important to not take everything so seriously. Otherwise, your relationship dies out with our sanity.
I think this is sound advice considering another similar and popular piece of advice is to find someone who has the same sense of humor as you.
Imagine living somewhere with a person who can’t make you laugh for the rest of your life. Imagine someone laughing at something you find irritating and troublesome, or vice versa.
It all comes down to your intellect and how you view the world. You want your intellect and world views to be compatible with your life partner and you can tell about those two things from a person’s sense of humor.
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Humor is good for bonding and for dealing with stressful situations. That’s why humor is a good indicator of personality. Different kinds of humor reveal that a person has different personality traits.
You can tell which ones people have according to their specific sense of humor. And, of course, for a compatible relationship it’s important for two people to know each other’s unique personalities and views.
From funny to silly to downright corny, you can’t deny that puns make you smile.
And being that we all need a good laugh every now and again, why not check out these 37 love puns that are guaranteed to make you giggle your butt off?
"It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers."
"To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence."
"When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent."
"My wife tells me I'm a skeptic, but I don't believe a word she says."
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
"What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Cantelope."
"Too many girls think the word 'marriage' has a nice ring to it."
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"Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing."
"Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage."
"Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt."
"Two fonts, Arial and Calibri, were in the midst of a bad breakup. Calibri said, 'I'm sorry, your personality is too bold.' Arial responded, 'You're just not my type.'"
"Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord."
"When a psychic showed me the girl I'll marry, it was love at second sight."
"Two cannon balls got married and had BBs."
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"Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped."
"My boyfriend and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident."
"Too many little digs send a marriage to an early grave."
"They were a fastidious couple. She was fast, he was tedious."
"A girl and her boyfriend went to a party dressed as a barcode. They were an item."
"A husband who thinks he is as solid as a rock may have a wife who wishes he was a little boulder."
"Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines."
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"Have you ever wondered why baseball players get girlfriends? They're great at hitting it off."
"A bartender's marriage was on the rocks so he took a cheap shot."
"The bride's best friend is so proud, she's practically made of honor."
"He tried to get her to marry him to no a-veil."
"My girlfriend once gave me a Valentine made of soft leather. What a suede heart."
"I went to prom with a broken leg. During the slow dances my date could tell that I had a crutch on her."
"Black widow to mate: I met my last husband on the web."
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"A janitor with a broom in hand swept her off her feet."
Browse our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous newlywedquotes and newlywed sayings.