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Such a gentle and kind mentor

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Such a gentle and kind mentor
March 09, 2019 Mother 2 comments

You are such a gentle and kind mentor to me. I am happy to celebrate another year enjoying your love and kindness. You touch so many lives with joy.

Inspirational messages and quotes can help you start the day feeling motivated! 

Are u depressed and being knocked around by life, all you need is a good dose of inspirational messages to get you back on your feet again. Here we have good number of inspirational messages from some of the greatest minds the world has ever seen to stir you up and get you up on your feet again. Your mind is the engine of your life and what you think about often has a funny way of showing up, it is always important to always feed on words that are inspiring. You can as well send it to friends as SMS text messages. Here are some of the best inspirational messages that will interest you.

Inspirational Text Messages

1. No one can go back and make a new beginning, but anyone can start from now and make a happy ending.

2. Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and all good things will be yours.

3. Look at everything as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time. Then your time on earth will be filled with glory.

4. When truth and desire meet, dreams are born.

5. I hope that you found my inspirational text messages helpful and you are able to brighten a day by using them.

6. Life is full of pains and hardships, but we are lucky we have a great GOD behind us all the time. Be thankful and count even the simplest blessings.

7. Being thankful is all about showing gratitude and being grateful for whatever you have.

8. May God of heaven shower you a lot of blessings and opportunities to make your day a truly fulfilling one. Good morning and take care.

9. May the love of God always shine in your life, as you become a light for others. Have a pleasant day. God bless.

10. Like the rain can’t be stopped from falling, God’s love and blessing keep on pouring. I hope you woke up renewed and refreshed and comforted by His company.

11. New day, new blessings. Don’t let yesterday’s failures ruin the beauty of today. Blessings of God are new every morning. Today has its own promise of love, forgiveness, joy and success.

12. As the sky breaks into a beautiful sunrise, may God open the heavens to shower you lots of love and happiness to make your day a meaningful one. Good Morning!

13. For every mountain there is a miracle. For every dark cloud, a silver lining.

14. “If you want to enjoy anything, always think today is the first day But If you want to achieve anything always think today is the last day.

15. Yesterday’s the past and tomorrow’s the future. Today is a gift – which is why they call it the present.

16. There are only two ways to live your life,one is as though nothing is a miracle the other is as if everything is.

17. When situation gets you down, remember there’s Someone in Heaven who loves you and watches over you and there’s someone on Earth who cares… I do.

18. Everyone wants to be the sun that lights up your life. But I’d rather be your moon, so I can shine on you during your darkest hour when your sun isn’t around.

19. Text me when you are sad, text me when you need someone to listen to you. I don’t care if I’m your last option, I just don’t want you to cry alone.

20. Prayer seeks for wisdom, not simply answers. It looks for courage, not simply help. It seeks for the gift of persistence, not only quick solutions. God bless you.

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21. If you’re feeling lonely and you think there is nobody there to love, support, listen or show they care, just save this message and every time you read it, it will remind you that I’ll always be there with you.

22. Dance like no one’s watching,love like you’ll never be hurt,sing like no one’s listening,live like it’s heaven on earth.

23. Life may sometimes be a rough road to walk on where everything seems wrong. But don’t give up. Just go on coz when you think you’re all alone, look back and you’ll find me walking along.

24. Each of us is an angel with one wing. The only way we could fly is to hold each other and share wings. So if you have trouble flying, I will always share mine with you.

25. My biggest reward is to see you smile, know you are happy, and feel you are loved. I know life is sometimes cruel, but that’s why I’m here, to show you that life can be good when somebody cares.

26. They say as long as at least one person cares for you, life isn’t a waste. So when things go terribly wrong, and you feel like giving up, please remember you’ve got me.

27. Gratitude is the heart’s memory.

28. We are never given dreams without also being given the power to make them come true.

29. When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

30. With special thoughts and wishes that God will richly bless you heart, your home and those you love with lasting happiness and God’s graces as always. Good evening!

31. Prayer is my gift for you every day. That you will be fine, protected and have the strength to cope with all the pressures and stress of the day.

32. Our night’s rest is God’s way of saying: “Leave everything to me, you’ve done your part, let me do mine and I will take care of you.” Good night!

33. Every single crowd always has one special person for us. Oftentimes we think there’s none, but care to look around because somewhere behind the sea of faces, someone sees us in a very special way.

34. I’m your friend but God is your best friend. You can cry to me but God can dry your tears. I love you but God loves you deeper. You can hold my hand but God can carry you better.

35. Today, I whisper a prayer for a dear one like you, for the best of health, a great mood, wisdom, understanding and beautiful disposition as you face a new day! God bless!

36. A beautiful life does not just happen. It is built daily by prayer, humility, sacrifice and love. May the beautiful life be yours always. Good Morning!

37. 8 rules to be happy: 1. never hate. 2. don’t worry. 3. live simply. 4. expect a little. 5. give a lot. 6. always smile. 7. stay in love. 8. best of all, eat all you can!

38. It doesn’t take seeing someone to know and feel that they are there. You don’t have to see me, to know that I’m here. You just have to trust that I’ll be there when you need me. I’ll always be here

39. Though we’ve been apart, our friendship is still very important to me. We may not be able to share the day-to-day things anymore, but we’ve shared memories that distance cannot erase.

40. Life is like an empty page for us to write on, but God is the ultimate editor who corrects and approves it. May God favour your life as the best one written every day. Good morning!

41. There is always one thing to be thankful for every morning. That is being able to open our eyes and see the beauty of being alive under God’s grace. Good morning!

42. Though we don’t meet or talk often, I never forget that I have you in my life. Somewhere, somehow, I remember you. Still bear in mind, I’m always here, not so near but never that far.

43. Let every day be a dream you can touch. Let every day be a love you can feel. Let every day be a reason to live. Because God made life indeed beautiful. Good morning!

44. Good people are like the wind, you can’t see what’s inside their hearts but you can always feel their goodness and sincerity. Good morning! God bless.

45. If you missed the beautiful sunrise God made this morning, it’s ok. All you need to do is to face a mirror and see a more beautiful creation of God.

46. Sometimes, God pushes us to our limits; He tests us beyond our endurance, because He has greater faith in us than we have in ourselves. Good night!

47. God has a reason for allowing things to happen, we may never understand His wisdom but we simply have to trust His will. Good evening!

48. The success of life will create a crowd for you, but Tough time in life will create a true person in you.

See Also: 

Perseverance Quotes About Not Giving Up

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49. All people have fears, but the brave one’s put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory.

50. Don’t Lower your Goals To The Level of Your Abilities, instead, Raise Your Abilities To The Height of Your Goals.

Inspirational Birthday Messages

51. Happy birthday to the most generous and fun-loving person I know! I hope your day is full of good things and sweetness just like those you have brought to me.

52. You are such a gentle and kind mentor to me. I am happy to celebrate another year enjoying your love and kindness.

53. You touch so many lives with joy. May your deepest wishes and dreams come true on your special day. Happy birthday and the best of my love to you!

54. Birthday wishes to a faithful friend. I always know that you will stand by me no matter what happens to us.

55. I would love to sing “happy birthday” to you at the top of my lungs in a very public place. However, I will refrain from embarrassing you and only do it partially public place because I love you so much.

56. I love you more than anyone I know. You have been by my side through the good and the bad. I will be by your side tonight as we celebrate your birthday and you get really drunk.

57. There is no reason why anyone as great as you should have anything less than a fabulous birthday. We are going to be wild tonight; I hope you are ready for the best night of your life!

58. On your birthday, I want to encourage you to make this year your best ever. Nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams!

59. Happy birthday to a mother who has sacrificed much to make a wonderful life for her family. Your commitment and devotion to us have not gone unnoticed. We hope to give back a little of the love you have shown us today.

60. Talking about special days, isn’t it yours today? Well, it couldn’t happen to a greater person so Happy Birthday and have a great day!

61. I am so happy to celebrate another year with a very special person. You bring light to all the dark places of my world. I have a brighter outlook because of your presence in my life.

62. On your birthday I wish you greater opportunities than chances, more dreams than memories, and most of all more friends than acquaintances. May you have all the very best in life.

63. May this birthday be the start of a year filled with treasured memories, wonderful moments and fulfilled dreams.

64. May all your wishes and dreams of today soon become reality. Happy Birthday!

65. May you have all the love your heart can hold, all the happiness a day can bring, all the blessings a life can unfold, and may you have the Lord’s best in everything. Happy Birthday!

66. You make each day special just by being yourself. May your day be as special as you are. Happy birthday!

67. Your shining example spurs me to greater heights. I am wishing a wonderful birthday to the one who goes before me and blazes a trail to success.

68. Our lives are full of change, but our friendship has never changed. Thanks for enduring with me through the seasons. I am wishing you the best birthday ever!

69. Happy birthday to a wonderful daughter! You have been such a joy to me, and I am so happy to be your parent.

70. I am a very blessed parent to have a son like you. You have accomplished amazing things, and I stand in awe of all your talents.

71. On your birthday, I want to encourage you to make this year your best ever. Nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams!

72. Happy birthday to a mother who has sacrificed much to make a wonderful life for her family. Your commitment and devotion to us have not gone unnoticed. We hope to give back a little of the love you have shown us today.

73. Talking about special days, isn’t it yours today? Well, it couldn’t happen to a greater person so Happy Birthday and have a great day!

74. You are a light in everybody’s life. I hope all your wildest dreams come true as you deserve a birthday wish that grand.

75. You always encourage me. There is nothing I love more than you. I hope you have the best birthday ever.

76. You are a wonderful reminder of all that makes life enjoyable. Happy birthday to the brightest light in all our lives!

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77. Your joy and zest for life are contagious and inspire me to be a better person. May your birthday be as joyful as ever!

78. Warmest wishes to you on your very special day. I pray that you continue to change the lives of others with your positivity, love, and beautiful spirit. You truly are an angel, and inspiration to us all. I love you.

79. May each passing year bring you the inspiration and motivation to be a better person. Have a phenomenal birthday!

80. Today marks one small milestone in the beautiful journey that is your life. May you continue to be blessed and follow your goals and ambition to success!

81. The best of your life has yet to come, embrace it, be confident, and embark on a future of limitless possibilities and opportunities. Happy Birthday.

82. I am so happy to celebrate another year with a very special person. You bring light to all the dark places of my world. I have a brighter outlook because of your presence in my life.

83. I wish you a very happy birthday as you reach another milestone. You are a unique individual, and I have great hope for your future. May you reach your fullest potential in the year to come.

84. Happy birthday to a wonderful father! You deserve my greatest love and respect for the stability you have brought to my life.

85. As you celebrate your birthday, know that you have touched so many lives with inspiration. May you be inspired today as well.

86. Your life has inspired and influenced so many, and everything that makes you great resonates in all we do. Have a spectacular Birthday!

87.You are a wonderful reminder of all that makes life enjoyable. Happy birthday to the brightest light in all our lives!

88. Your joy and zest for life are contagious and inspire me to be a better person. May your birthday be as joyful as ever!

89. On your birthday may your spirit be enriched in light, love, and hope for a prosperous year ahead.

90. Birthdays are the Lord’s way of reminding you that you have so much more to accomplish in life. So never give up, for it’s never too late to set a new goal and dream a new dream!

91. Another birthday means your life journey is incomplete, may your path be paved with success and guided by love. Best wishes, my friend.

92. With every birthday I hope you open your eyes to see not what has been but also what has yet to some!

93. Birthdays creep up on you when you least expect them. Let’s hope you are prepared for the celebration of the year because everyone will want to be at your party. This might be because you are the sweetest and kindest person everyone knows.

94. Happy birthday to my dearest loved one. I hope you find inspiration in others as we find it in you.

95. Happy Birthday! We know you get lots of messages due to your overwhelming popularity, but we hope you have a great day!

96. If there was anyone we wanted to have an amazing birthday, then you are it thanks to your ongoing concern for us and those around you.

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97. My hope for you in the year to come is much happiness and success. You are deserving of the best there is.

98. If I wanted to wish you a happy day on your birthday, I would just smile and say it. However, I want you to have the best day ever so I am going to scream it and smother you with hugs.

99. Life passes so quickly when you are having fun. We must be having a great time because suddenly you have to add one more year to your age. I hope this birthday is a great one!

100. I am a very blessed parent to have a son like you. You have accomplished amazing things, and I stand in awe of all your talents.

You are such a gentle and kind mentor to me. I am happy to celebrate another year enjoying your love and kindness. You touch so many lives with joy.

Birthday Wishes for Mentor

Such a gentle and kind mentor

Odds are that at some point … you will have to mentor a narcissist (or at least a fairly self-absorbed person). Contemporary epidemiologic data shows that narcissism is on the rise in American society, and is more common among men.

But is it even possible to mentor a narcissist? The best mentorships are a two-way street, and effective mentees do things to facilitate and support the mentor’s efforts to guide and grow them. For instance, great mentees admit imperfection, accept correction, challenge nondefensively, transparently share areas of relative weakness and necessary development, demonstrate gratitude for a mentor’s time and commitment, and show empathy and awareness of demands on the mentor, often offering to collaborate on projects to lighten the mentor’s load. Of course, each of these ideal mentee behaviors hinges on personal attributes and aspects of emotional intelligence often lacking in a narcissistic person.

There are other reasons that mentors may struggle in relationships with narcissistic mentees. First, narcissists often suffer real deficits in insight about how and why they annoy others while sabotaging their own success. Psychologists describe their behavior as egosyntonic, meaning they see their behavior as entirely legitimate (It’s all the fools around me who don’t appreciate my special talents; they’re the ones who need to change). These self-enhancing perceptual distortions lead them to take credit for any success and blame others for every failure. Second, as a consequence of their poor insight, narcissistic mentees are less likely to initiate mentoring relationships in the first place (Who, me? I certainly don’t need any help). If assigned to a mentor, they will often engage only for the purpose of criticizing others and seeking the mentor’s affirmation for their inflated self-assessments. Third, mentoring a narcissist may pose some political risk for a mentor. Although one element of excellent mentorship is advocacy and public support, narcissistic mentees may frequently create conflict with others, perhaps reacting with unreasonable anger when questioned or criticized by colleagues or supervisors. As a consequence, the mentor may often be doing damage control and conflict mediation for this mentee. Finally, the narcissist may not be much fun to mentor. Effectively mentoring the narcissist will necessitate difficult conversations likely to trigger defensiveness in the mentee. And the narcissist may feel the need to criticize the mentor at times as a way of protecting a fragile ego.

So what’s a mentor to do? Is it worth the time and effort? …When (not if) you find yourself mentoring a narcissist, here are a few strategies for helping the mentee better understand and modify their self-sabotaging behavior at work:

  • First, work on your empathy. Try to check any dislike of your mentee at the door. Remember, chances are your narcissistic mentee is a wounded child at heart. All the bravado and arrogance amount to little more than a front for poor self-esteem and a real fear that they are worthless at the core. Try looking beyond the inflated self-assessments and demands for special recognition and catching a glimpse of the fragile house of cards that is the narcissist’s ego. This might just stir your empathy for an interpersonally unpleasant mentee.
  • Listen and discern. In building empathy, excellent mentors listen for the narcissist’s vision of who they should be. It is important to understanding how and why the narcissist feels unworthy at their core. Unlocking this hidden shame may allow the mentor to build the mentee’s self-awareness while helping them to realize their vision.
  • Begin with mirroring. Here is a paradox: Narcissistic behavior often provokes others to respond with criticism and put-downs designed to put the narcissist in their place. In effect, the narcissist generates the very behavior they fear in others. Rather than fall into this pattern with your mentee, work hard at starting with affirmation, understanding, and acceptance. Referred to as mirroring, wise mentors are careful to reflect a positive appraisal of the mentee and their basic worth early on (We’re really lucky to have you here. It must be hard for you when others don’t seem to appreciate your contributions). For instance, you might initially frame arrogance and entitlement as unusual self-confidence. By mirroring back unconditional respect and acceptance of the narcissist, you might just lower defenses, thereby opening the door to some dialog and self-awareness.
  • Use Socratic questions to build insight. Rather than direct confronting a mentee’s narcissistic behavior, try dispassionate Socratic questioning. If they complain that other people don’t respect them, you can ask something like, “I wonder why so many people have that reaction to you?” You can also be more specific. You might say, “I’ve observed that some people seem to think you are arrogant. Can you think of any reasons why people might see you that way?” or “Help me understand what was going through your mind when so-and-so questioned your expertise.” Such gentle but persistent queries are often a best bet when it comes to lowering defensiveness and setting the stage for personal insight and change.
  • In conflict, lead with how you feel. Psychologist Bernardo Tirado reflects that when difficult conversations and confrontations are necessary with a narcissist, always lead off with how your mentee made you feel. Because the narcissist lacks empathy, such feeling-oriented disclosures can get the conversation away from who is to blame and refocused on the real problem: the mentee’s impact on other people.
  • Take care of yourself. Mentoring a narcissist won’t be easy. Caring and empathic by nature, even the best mentors may feel appalled by the vivid anger and intense dislike a narcissistic mentee can engender. Some mentors suffer guilt and self-recrimination when fleeting but deeply satisfying fantasies of berating or belittling a narcissist occur. Remember that no amount of validation and admiration may truly be enough for the narcissist. To avoid burnout, set limits on the frequency of engagement with a narcissistic mentee and the number of narcissists you are willing to mentor at one time. And don’t forget to make time for good self-care, including consulting with another seasoned mentor to maintain your equilibrium.”
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Such a gentle and kind mentor

No workplace is immune to the self-absorbed and self-important employee. You know the one. Preoccupied with status, appearance, and power, narcissists exude a palpable sense of entitlement, often overestimate skills and abilities (while devaluing others), and can be quite comfortable manipulating others for personal gain.

They can be hard to spot at first; a sophisticated narcissist can create a terrific first impression. What will eventually be recognized as haughty arrogance and grandiose self-importance might at first be misinterpreted as bold self-confidence.

Psychologists define narcissism as a toxic personality syndrome defined by grandiosity, need for affirmation, and poor empathy for others. But developmentally, not all narcissists are created equal. Primary narcissists are what we often call “spoiled” — it’s likely that they had parents who worshipped the ground they walked on, lavished them with exaggerated and inflated praise, and failed to offer honest and balanced assessments of their child’s attributes and performance. On the other hand, compensatory narcissists were children who may have suffered significant emotional abuse or neglect at the hands of parents. To counteract real despair and self-loathing, these children found solace in grandiose fantasy. Although this narcissistic compensation offers an effective escape from emotional pain in childhood, by adolescence and young adulthood the narcissistic behavior has become calcified and dysfunctional.

Odds are that at some point in your managerial career, you will have to mentor a narcissist (or at least a fairly self-absorbed person). Contemporary epidemiologic data shows that narcissism is on the rise in American society, and is more common among men.

But is it even possible to mentor a narcissist? The best mentorships are a two-way street, and effective mentees do things to facilitate and support the mentor’s efforts to guide and grow them. For instance, great mentees admit imperfection, accept correction, challenge nondefensively, transparently share areas of relative weakness and necessary development, demonstrate gratitude for a mentor’s time and commitment, and show empathy and awareness of demands on the mentor, often offering to collaborate on projects to lighten the mentor’s load. Of course, each of these ideal mentee behaviors hinges on personal attributes and aspects of emotional intelligence often lacking in a narcissistic person.

There are other reasons that mentors may struggle in relationships with narcissistic mentees. First, narcissists often suffer real deficits in insight about how and why they annoy others while sabotaging their own success. Psychologists describe their behavior as egosyntonic, meaning they see their behavior as entirely legitimate (It’s all the fools around me who don’t appreciate my special talents; they’re the ones who need to change). These self-enhancing perceptual distortions lead them to take credit for any success and blame others for every failure. Second, as a consequence of their poor insight, narcissistic mentees are less likely to initiate mentoring relationships in the first place (Who, me? I certainly don’t need any help). If assigned to a mentor, they will often engage only for the purpose of criticizing others and seeking the mentor’s affirmation for their inflated self-assessments. Third, mentoring a narcissist may pose some political risk for a mentor. Although one element of excellent mentorship is advocacy and public support, narcissistic mentees may frequently create conflict with others, perhaps reacting with unreasonable anger when questioned or criticized by colleagues or supervisors. As a consequence, the mentor may often be doing damage control and conflict mediation for this mentee. Finally, the narcissist may not be much fun to mentor. Effectively mentoring the narcissist will necessitate difficult conversations likely to trigger defensiveness in the mentee. And the narcissist may feel the need to criticize the mentor at times as a way of protecting a fragile ego.

So what’s a mentor to do? Is it worth the time and effort? Although prickly, unappreciative, and self-absorbed, a narcissistic employee might just possess subject matter expertise, technical skill, or strategic vision critical to an organization’s success. And remember, not all narcissists are created equal. Only a few are truly maniacal egotists. And there are plenty of well-intentioned leaders and organizational game-changers who occupy some location on the narcissism spectrum. And anyway, shouldn’t everyone you hire get a fair shot, including the opportunity for early career-enhancing relationships?

When (not if) you find yourself mentoring a narcissist, here are a few strategies for helping the mentee better understand and modify their self-sabotaging behavior at work:

  • First, work on your empathy. Try to check any dislike of your mentee at the door. Remember, chances are your narcissistic mentee is a wounded child at heart. All the bravado and arrogance amount to little more than a front for poor self-esteem and a real fear that they are worthless at the core. Try looking beyond the inflated self-assessments and demands for special recognition and catching a glimpse of the fragile house of cards that is the narcissist’s ego. This might just stir your empathy for an interpersonally unpleasant mentee.
  • Listen and discern. In building empathy, excellent mentors listen for the narcissist’s vision of who they should be. It is important to understanding how and why the narcissist feels unworthy at their core. Unlocking this hidden shame may allow the mentor to build the mentee’s self-awareness while helping them to realize their vision.
  • Begin with mirroring. Here is a paradox: Narcissistic behavior often provokes others to respond with criticism and put-downs designed to put the narcissist in their place. In effect, the narcissist generates the very behavior they fear in others. Rather than fall into this pattern with your mentee, work hard at starting with affirmation, understanding, and acceptance. Referred to as mirroring, wise mentors are careful to reflect a positive appraisal of the mentee and their basic worth early on (We’re really lucky to have you here. It must be hard for you when others don’t seem to appreciate your contributions). For instance, you might initially frame arrogance and entitlement as unusual self-confidence. By mirroring back unconditional respect and acceptance of the narcissist, you might just lower defenses, thereby opening the door to some dialogue and self-awareness.
  • Use Socratic questions to build insight. Rather than direct confronting a mentee’s narcissistic behavior, try dispassionate Socratic questioning. If they complain that other people don’t respect them, you can ask something like, “I wonder why so many people have that reaction to you?” You can also be more specific. You might say, “I’ve observed that some people seem to think you are arrogant. Can you think of any reasons why people might see you that way?” or “Help me understand what was going through your mind when so-and-so questioned your expertise.” Such gentle but persistent queries are often a best bet when it comes to lowering defensiveness and setting the stage for personal insight and change.
  • In conflict, lead with how you feel. Psychologist Bernardo Tirado reflects that when difficult conversations and confrontations are necessary with a narcissist, always lead off with how your mentee made you feel. Because the narcissist lacks empathy, such feeling-oriented disclosures can get the conversation away from who is to blame and refocused on the real problem: the mentee’s impact on other people.
  • Take care of yourself. Mentoring a narcissist won’t be easy. Caring and empathic by nature, even the best mentors may feel appalled by the vivid anger and intense dislike a narcissistic mentee can engender. Some mentors suffer guilt and self-recrimination when fleeting but deeply satisfying fantasies of berating or belittling a narcissist occur. Remember that no amount of validation and admiration may truly be enough for the narcissist. To avoid burnout, set limits on the frequency of engagement with a narcissistic mentee and the number of narcissists you are willing to mentor at one time. And don’t forget to make time for good self-care, including consulting with another seasoned mentor to maintain your equilibrium.

Finally, the narcissist may not be much fun to mentor. Such gentle but persistent queries are often a best bet when it comes to lowering.

Mentors Quotes

Such a gentle and kind mentor

Mentorship comes in many flavors. It doesn’t always work unless leaders bear in mind a few common principles.

Over the past three years, as part of my forthcoming book, I’ve been researching how leaders can better judge and develop their talent in light of a changing, more purpose-driven, more tech-enabled work environment. Having interviewed close to 100 of the most admired leaders across business, culture, arts, and government, one important characteristic stands out: They do everything they can to imprint their “goodness” onto others in ways that make others feel like fuller versions of themselves. Put another way, the best leaders practice a form of leadership that is less about creating followers and more about creating other leaders. How do they do that? I’ve noticed four things the best mentors do:

Put the relationship before the mentorship. All too often, mentorship can evolve into a “check the box” procedure instead of something authentic and relationship-based. For real mentorship to succeed, there needs to be a baseline chemistry between a mentor and a mentee. Studies show that even the best-designed mentoring programs are no substitute for a genuine, intercollegial relationship between mentor and mentee. One piece of research, conducted by Belle Rose Ragins, a mentoring expert and professor at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, demonstrated that unless mentees have a basic relationship with their mentors, there is no discernable difference between mentees and those not mentored. All this is to say that mentoring requires rapport. At best, it propels people to break from their formal roles and titles (boss versus employee) and find common ground as people.

Focus on character rather than competency. Too many mentors see mentoring as a training program focused around the acquisition of job skills. Obviously, one element of mentorship involves mastering the necessary competencies for a given position. But the best leaders go beyond competency, focusing on helping to shape other people’s character, values, self-awareness, empathy, and capacity for respect. They know in the long run that there is a hard truth about soft matters and that these values-based qualities matter a lot more than skill enhancement. There are many ways to mentor people around these values and to build greater self-awareness.

Shout loudly with your optimism, and keep quiet with your cynicism. Your mentee might come to you with some off-the-wall ideas or seemingly unrealistic ambitious. You might be tempted to help them think more realistically, but mentors need to be givers of energy, not takers of it. Consider why an idea might work, before you consider why it might not. The best method I know for thinking this way is the 24×3 rule for optimism. I’ve written about this approach and tried to practice it for years, but it’s very difficult to master. Each time you hear a new idea, see if it is possible for you to spend 24 seconds, 24 minutes, or a day thinking about all the reasons that the idea is good before you criticize any aspect of it. It’s been said that the world prefers conventional failure over unconventional success; good mentors should encourage exploration of the latter. 

Be more loyal to your mentee than you are to your company. Of course, we all want to retain our best and brightest. We also want our people to be effective in our organizations. That said, the best mentors recognize that in its most noble and powerful form, leadership is a duty and service toward others, and that the best way to inspire commitment is to be fully and selflessly committed to the best interests of colleagues and employees. Don’t seek only to uncover your mentees’ strengths; look for their underlying passions, too. Help them find their calling. Most of us have experienced people, such as friends, religious leaders, and family members, who serve as our anchors and guides outside our workplaces. Why can’t we bring this same high level of trust and support inside the workplace? In a lot of cases, we owe it to mentees to serve as something more than just career mentors.

The best mentors avoid overriding the dreams of their mentees. If an employee and a job aren’t a good fit, or if an ambitious employee realistically has limited upward mobility in a company, a good mentor will help that employee move on. They might be better suited to another role within the organization, or even to a new path somewhere else.

At its highest level, mentorship is about being “good people” and having the right “good people” around us — individuals committed to helping others become fuller versions of who they are. Which is why the organizations and leaders I’ve come to admire most are the ones devoted to bringing others along.

solutions: Instead, they give you a gentle nudge in the right direction. But there's a kind of mentor that's harder to find—and more no matter how tiny, on platforms such as Twitter, LinkedIn, Reddit, Slack, or Quora.

Such a gentle and kind mentor
Written by Yodal
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